Nerds with free time.

If you spend a considerable amount of time on the internet as I myself do, then maybe you also came across the video of Marie Osmond on Dancing with the Stars pass out after a performance. This was pretty funny in and of itself but apparently there is unedited footage that shows what really happened.



What Really Happened to Marie Osmond - Watch more free videos



This is one of the dumbest things I have ever laughed at. Not only is it ridiculous that I laughed at this, but it is even more ridiculous that someone took the time to make this video. And of all the things they could have done in this video with editing and such they choose to have what happen? Oh yeah, get shot in the face by a TIE fighter. Well done internet. Can't really make fun too much, they made the front page of Break.com which apparently awards $400. Time to get out the video camera.

FUCKIN SWEET

This shit is awesome.




As soon as I was getting bored with the Addams Family, "This is Halloween" kicks in and had me hooked.

VIRAL

I am pretty sure that the percentage of Internet phenomena that you recognize from this video is directly proportional to how awesome you are.





I win.

DUDE

I feel like you aren't a man if you can't do this. Mastery and understanding of the nuances of the word "Dude" is something that should be ingrained in the male mind from an early age.


Bud Light Dude - Watch more free videos


Well done Budweiser.

Divine Intervention

Call me a blasphemer. Call me a Believer. Whatever you wish. Just know that this may be some of the greatest evidence for God that I have ever heard of.




Miracles DO happen.

I probably should have done Vet Med.

I didn't really have a lot of pets growing up (except for the shelled crusader, Todd), but I have always been an animal person. That being said I often find myself thinking about animals that would be awesome to have as pets. I was just going to make a list but I decided that some video evidence was also in order. This is non-comprehensive.

1) a Mini-Pig. Yes, you heard me right. That exists and I want one.

Mini-Pig

2) A Cheetah. This would be so fucking awesome.



3) A Polar Bear. I dont even think this thing is real, I think Disney made this up. And then it grows up to be a badass killing machine. Holy shit.



4) A Penguin. Jesus, do you see that little backpack. This might be one of the greatest things on the planet. Give.



5) A Raccoon. Duh.



6) A River Otter. When I woke up today, I did not think that at some point, I would be watching a video of an Otter dancing to the tune of "Hey Ya." Now you too, can have that privilege. So awesome.



7) A Seal. I would go to the pool everyday, plain and simple.



8) A Wallaby. Dear lord, its a miniature Kangaroo. Yes please.



9) A Fox. Foxes rule. End of story.





This is a work in progress. Expect a sequel to this list because animals rule so hard.



peace

Ok. Fine. Whatever.

You know what, I don't even care how gay is sounds I am going to see the shit out of this movie.

AND THE WINNER IS...

I am fairly certain that this is why the internet was invented. So that things like this could be spread to the masses. This girl's life must be great.

This blog is smokin' right now with activity

This is one of the funniest SNL skits that I have ever seen.

"Freds got slacks on the boulevaaaaaaaard."



"WEEKENDS I go for the WEEKENDS"

I'm a nerd.

Well here comes another epic fantasy kids movie along the same lines as Narnia and Harry Potter. I didn't read these books but hell, the movie looks like it could be pretty entertaining. You can call me a nerd. Thats fine with me. I can live with that. But if you have a problem with an armored Polar Bear battle then...well you are just a lame faggot and I'm pretty sure thats worse.

HEY LOOK! ITS THE WORST SONG AND MUSIC VIDEO EVER MADE!

This is just...just so horrible and painful.

This sounds like it could be really awesome.

I don't know much about the governing of professional sports and I don't pretend to. What I do know is that hockey is low on the totem pole when it comes to popularity in the United States. Who cares why this is, just do something to fix. Today I read an article on Slate.com that outlines a plan for hockey that models itself in part after European soccer leagues and it sounds pretty sweet. Shitty teams in the Premier league get bumped to a lower and non-premier league and the top teams from the lower league get bumped up into the premier league. Sounds pretty cool. The word relegation was thrown around. So here, read this article about a proposed plan for hockey. The whole thing sounds really interesting and cool and not a bad idea. Though I can't agree with him calling out Peoria in the article, I agree with most everything else he says. Enjoy.


NHL Overhaul.

Follow up.

In response to some mouthy idiots at Mizzou objecting to the Booze News, and probably just running their mouths and making statements to get their name in an article, I went onto The Onion and found some articles. As I hope you fucking know, The Onion was first started by a couple of Juniors at the University of Wisconsin and set out to set the bar for modern satirical and humorous news reporting. This was in 1988. It is still released weekly. I went on the Onion online today and, given that I have been an Onion enthusiast for quite some time now, can honestly make the claim that I have read things in the Onion that are for more offensive, risque, and insensitive than anything I have ever read in the Booze News. Don't believe me? I thought you might not. Here fuckers. Here's some examples:

FATHERS DYING WISH A REAL HASSLE

SUICIDE NOTE MAKES CONVINCING CASE

INVESTIGATORS BLAME STUPIDITY IN AREA DEATH

DRUG USE DOWN AMONG UNCOOL KIDS

NEW MOMMY A LOT PRETTIER

Here is one tailor made for those mouthy little Booze News naysayers:

NEW STUDY FINDS COLLEGE BINGE DRINKING TO BE A BLAST

This one is just horrible. Yet, hilarious in its own right. Take a joke:

SUDDEN INFANT DEATH SYNDROME LINKED TO BAD PARENTS WHO COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING




What do these all have in common? Well they are insensitive and not politically correct. Something that people are straight up obsessed with these days. Yet, to the intelligent people that read the Onion (and yes, as pretentious as it may sound, I have never met someone dumb who reads the Onion) it provides a nice break from the P.C. obsessed bullshit of everyday news coverage and daily life and allows you laugh uproariously at shit that you know the world doesn't think you should be laughing at. I love the Onion.

Onion All Star #43

BRILLIANT

Favorite line: "Perhaps over the next 50 million years, humans will evolve a mechanism to prevent random discharges of saliva from hanging briefly from one's lower lip before pooling onto the crotch area of one's khakis, making it appear as though one has pissed oneself."

Coolest. Bird. Ever.

There is no way that the shop owner can get mad at this little guy. I mean, who DOESN'T like Doritos? Stick around towards the end when the Scottish dude tries to interview the bird.




Glorious. Best part is after he gets the chips how he kind of quickly walks away like he knows hes in trouble.

Oh My God Just Shut The Fuck Up

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you must be joking.

Please , please, please tell me this is a joke. Honestly, how lame can you get? There is just so much I could say here, but I have to be careful. First off, take a joke. Stop taking yourselves so damn seriously, its shameful. Yes, they talk about binge drinking and all kinds of other "risque" (huge emphasis on the "" there) material, but grow up and shut up. I hate you. This paper has been at Illinois for almost 4 years now with little problems other than my boy Logan getting pissed because they bash his bar Legends. I would like to point out and discuss a few of my favorite parts of the article:

1) "Several downtown business owners have thrown out the free paper, which has published seven issues, afraid of offending customer sensibilities. Even some campus fraternity houses deem the material too edgy for members."

- LOL. This honestly made me laugh out loud. What a bunch of pussies. I say it again, GROW UP. These guys must be real winners. Winners with va-jay-jays.

2)"For Missouri senior Kyle Ali, a Chicago native, such a scenario is troubling. As a peer educator who works to control drug and alcohol abuse, Ali said The Booze News sends the wrong message, humorous or not. 'This is a publication that clearly condones high-risk behavior,' he said. 'There's nothing that talks about alcohol poisoning, or drunk-driving.'"

-Ok. Kyle. You are right. There is nothing that talks about alcohol poisoning or drunk driving. But I would like to point out why. The reason why, is because the Booze News is not your fucking parents. You are a big boy now and everyone at college is old enough to make their own decisions. It is not the job of a goddamn humorous newspaper to babysit and educate people. It is their job to make you laugh. You want the Booze News to do kids' laundry and change their fucking diapers? Because if they aren't smart enough to know right from wrong at this point then they aren't going to learn it from a damn newspaper and chances are they will probably be the proud recipient of a Darwin Award and take themselves out of the gene pool on their own anways.

3) "The recent article about the adoptive gay couple -- a supposed book review in which the unidentified author looked solely at the cover of the children's book -- crossed the line from satire to threatening speech, said Ali."

-This Kyle kid is on fire. Notice the part that I have bolded. How does this cock sucker even pretend that the article is serious and not just a joke if the entire thing is based just on the cover. Holy fucking shit you are a moron. This kid better be a Journalism student because otherwise I think someone may be a little cranky that they didn't get to hang out with all their cool friends in Champaign where the paper originated (I-L-L baby).


In summation. Take a joke. Humor is needed. I am not even saying that I really enjoy or think the Booze News is really that hilarious myself, but I do think that they should have the opportunity to be funny. Personally, the Booze News turned kind of lame at U of I in the past year so I didnt really read it but they do strike gold every once in a while. Give the thing a chance and just laugh. Pretending like college kids don't binge drink, shack with eachother, and play drinking games doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It just means that you like to ignore it. Stop. Embrace it and control it. The Onion has hilariously written about offensive shit for years and they are brilliant. I'm stopping here because I am just going to start rambling.

LOL Little Kids Are So Dumb

So, so happy that I found this on the internet after seeing it on AFV a couple years back.



Little Kid Cant Figure Out How To Drink - Watch more free videos

Oh God, Here We Go Again...

At my job, I find myself scouring the interent for interesting stories day in and day out. In addition to doing my work I find myself with a lot of time to simply devote to expanding my knowledge of the world around me. I am not saying that all of these articles are worth reading or that they are even relevant to general world knowledge; sometimes they just catch me. As I read more and more I find myself becoming opinionated about more and more issues. The more I know, the more I think, and thus the more I can aruge about. Sometimes I come across a story that seems controversial and I immediately start to formulate an argument but then I stop and I think about it. Some issues and stories seem like they need not be argued but simply discussed. Leave the emotions out and simply present the facts and then go forward with a course of action after careful evaluation. That being said, I present this article:

Click Here

My immediate reaction was to get pissed off and bitch about how "the few are once again ruining it for the many" and "how can a country established on the principles of Democracy let the extreme minority make decisions?" This is misguided. In fact our country was indeed founded on Democracy but also on freedom of religion and tolerance. Tolerance, for others' views, for others' religions, and for others' lifestyles is something that I find our entire earth lacking these days and thus I suggest an alternate solution to the above problem.

The main point of the article is that a school in Illinois (shit) is going to stop calling their Christmas festival "Christmas" and instead call it "Winter Festival." Though I applaud their efforts at religious tolerance and indistintion, this is not the answer. Simply changing the name does not change the fact that you are celebrating the holiday. Everyone knows exactly what holiday you are mainly celebrating so drop the misguided charade in your feeble attempt to placate the vociferous minority. How about we take a different approach? Instead of simply renaming or taking away everything from these kids how about we give them everything? Open their eyes to all kinds of different cultures and traditions and steer clear of this new trend of finding the lowest common demoninator phrase to cover all the Holidays. Is it really necessary that instead of saying "Merry Christmas" we are forced to say "Happy Holidays"? Is it really that much more effort to say, "Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, and Happy Kwanza" if you are indeed worried about offending people? Does a generic "Seasons Greetings" really do anything more than place an unavoidble ambiguity on the phrase?

The worst part of the article that I link to above is that the entire situation is in repsonse to the taking down of Ramadan decortations. I link to the Wikipedia site for Ramadan because I imagine that many, like myself, know it to be an Islamic holiday, but were unsure as to what the holiday was about. I question why the Ramadan decorations were taken down. In a country that is supposedly founded on Religious freedom, why deny those who celebrate an unfamiliar holiday the joy of having their religion celebrated at the given time just as Christmas is? No, I find these school administrators and parents to be wholly misguided. Though Ramadan is a cyclical Holiday based on the Lunar Calendar and thus cannot be given a specific date, I find no reason why this time of the year should not be celebrated and explored if there are those interested and who follow the tradition.

This brings me to my main point. Instead of simply giving the students an indistinct "Winter Festival," why don't you make the effort to educate and enlightent the kids to all sorts of different kinds of celebrations and holidays. Devote part of a day or an entire day during Ramadan to explaining the Holiday and its traditions. Enlighten the kids to the Islamic world. Engender tolerance and understanding. Then, during the Winter months, spend a few days each devoted to a different Winter holiday. Some time devoted equally to Christmas, Hanukka, and Kwanza. Why not? What bad can come from at least LEARNING about the traditions underlying different faiths. Simply teaching is not asking children to convert (though there are those unreasonable folk that I am sure would make this claim). Shoot, during Halloween explain how the basis for Halloween is a pagan tradition from the British Isles and then also explain its Asian counterpart, the Ghost Festival. My point is, making every celebration nonspecific and generic will do no good in fostering a society of acceptance. In fact, I believe the more you isolate children from the realities, forcing them to stay ignorant of other celebrations, you do more harm than good, if there is any good to be done. Education in our schools should be more than stories and numbers but should also provide an environment where a child is exposed and taught about all manner of things, even if it happens to be related to a religion different than the one their parent forced upon them.